justinibiebers: stuff you ask your mom: mom where’s my towel mom what do we eat for dinner mom what time is it mom where’s my phone mom when do you come back mom what day is it stuff you ask your dad dad where is mom
jpierrepontcriss: my mom was pulling into a parking space today and she asked “am i relatively straight?” and i said “i think that’s something you need to decide for yourself” and she told me to walk home
unfollower: no see lesbians are not more accepted than gay men they’re more sexualized please do not get those 2 things confused
asphyxion: i went to a high school where they played jeopardy music when you had about 30 seconds to get to class and i shit you not best part of the day was seeing kids sprinting to class with this music playing
spookypepper: my grandma noticed i was upset so she handed me this spaghetti noodle with a loop in it I’m so happy
homobot: don’t mock people when they stutter (◕‿◕✿) even in an argument because maybe they just can’t sort things out in their mind fast enough to say out loud (◕‿◕✿) it doesn’t make you seem like you’re winning the argument (◕‿◕✿) it just makes you an asshole (◡‿◡✿)
The Seven Shittiest Sins
Greed: I want shit
Envy: I want your shit
Wrath: I'm going to wreck your shit
Lust: I'm into some freaky shit
Gluttony: This is some tasty shit
Sloth: I don't feel like doing shit
Pride: I am the shit
you know when youre having sex, or giving head, and they whisper fuuuck yeah thats probably one of the greatest moments in life
bayconbit: concernedresidentofbakerstreet: r0dents: fireflufferz: sigh-asdfghjkl: andrewhussiesbosom: [9th grade voice] ugh 8th graders [8th grade voice] ugh 7th graders [7th grade voice] ugh 6th graders [6th grade voice] haha ‘penis’ [5th grade voice] *gasp* you said penis [College voice] haha ‘penis’
vorfreudde: you know how people lose their virginity, im like gaining it
maakara: ?????????????????????????????? ?????????????????
h0odrich: It’s not called cheating its called I need to pass this fuckin class
psychoticmist: if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’
looz-y: boltong: i hate it when people say no homo after complimenting someone fuck that im full homo im going to lay you down on a bed of rose petals and whisper that compliment lasciviously to you
deathbycas: things we need on tumblr a notification when someone responds to an ask no post limit a ‘sent’ folder urls that haven’t been used for a year to be deleted things we dont need on tumblr every update tumblr has ever made ever
ohshititsgreg: If your name is Frank and you don’t use the opportunity to say “let me be frank with you” every day then you are truly dead to me
You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling unsure and lost is part of your path. Don’t...– Louis CK (via thatgirlsamm)
dont just eat her pussy eat her personality ♥♥♥
cokeflow: mirandasexnoise: greg0ry: nicki minaj is 30 how she was born 30 years ago
beerito: i might be annoying but at least i dont say fail
slydigger: turn ons: watching people write calligraphy
lindsaylohomo: oh my god so i was at the store today and there was a younger blind guy with his sister or cousin or something and i was walking behind him by a little kid and his mom and the little kid was like “mommy why is he walking with a stick?” and the mom goes “shh..he’s blind sweetie” and the guy turns around and he goes “yeah blind to the haters” and just turns around and starts walking...
rneerkat: noonewouldmissmeifiwasgone: rneerkat: if u hate when numbers arent subtracted then u have a bad additude Stahp in the name of text posts. im not going to listen to somebody who says “stahp”
thatgirlsamm: zigzagzoe replied to your photo: I’m cute today let’s fuck babe <33
edsheerun: i just want a boy to like me no not that one
Reblog, click the picture, and prepare for battle.
squareclocks: himaruyeah: moffathavemercy: raccoonmama: deliciouskaek: hohohomoarigato: anywigwilldo: THIS IS SO MUCH FUN i made it ‘til 30 before my eyes got tired oh, this is fun! :D Made it to 47 before my hands were too cold and I had to get ready to go anyway! Saved for when I’m on the computer best I got to 54 then gave up.
You: "Everybody shut up." *picks up phone* "Hey mum."
Friend2: "come back to bed"
Friend3: *various sex noises*
Friend4: "tell her I said hi"
Friend5: "Aye! Pass The Weed."
Friend 6: *blasting out curse words*
Friend 7: "PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON"
me during the summer: is today wednesday or sunday